Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
