Plan B is the new Plan A
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
