i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
