i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize