soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
