I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
