Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
