super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
