In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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