you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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