I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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