I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
