She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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