I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
