She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
