you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
