Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
