Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
