so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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