Barsexuality is the new black.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
