She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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