Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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