I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
