Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
