I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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