I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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