that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
