Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
