dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
