I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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