My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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