i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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