after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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