I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
