I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
