I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
