Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
