well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just cropdusted the office
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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