I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
