Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize