He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
