ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
