my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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