It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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