happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
