He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
