Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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