Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
