Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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