Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
