Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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