I wish I could teleport
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
