last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
