I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
