Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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