And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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