marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
