Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
