her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
