I think im going to throw up on grandma
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
