i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
