so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
