you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
