Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
