i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sponge bath it is.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
