you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
