So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
