I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
