Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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