i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
