I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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