I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize