Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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