We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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