I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
